How Do We Help Our Kids Understand Their Feelings?

As moms, we’ve all been there—our child is melting down, and we’re left wondering, “What is really going on here?” How do we help them tell us what they’re feeling when they don’t even know themselves?

So I decided to jot down a few helpful tips that you can apply during difficult behaviors or even in the calmer moments throughout the day .

1. Notice the Little Things

Even if they’re not looking at you, pay attention to the small details. How are they holding their body? What’s their face saying? Sometimes, just pointing out what you see can help them start to make sense of it all.

- If they’re crying, softly say, “I see tears, and your face looks so sad right now.”

- If they’re clenching their fists and speaking loudly, try saying, “Your hands are in tight fists, and your voice is really loud. Are you feeling angry?”

- And when they’re smiling from ear to ear, you might say, “Your eyes are shining, and you’re giving out hugs! You look really happy.”

By doing this, you’re gently guiding them to connect what’s happening on the outside with what they’re feeling on the inside.

2. Show Them They’re Heard

We all want our kids to feel heard and understood, especially when they’re upset. And let’s be honest—when they’re in the middle of a tantrum, that connection can feel a bit lost. Using phrases like “like this?” while mimicking their expressions or actions can help grab their attention and rebuild that connection.

i.e.: "Your frown on your face is looking like this and your hands are curled like this."

This is the first step to calming them down—letting them know that you see them, you get it, and you’re right there with them.

3. Take It One Step at a Time

Once they start to calm down, that’s when you can move on to things like breathing exercises or other techniques to help them regulate. But it all starts with showing them that you’re tuned in to what they’re experiencing.

And hey, don’t hesitate to ask me any questions or share your experiences in the comments. We’re all in this together, learning as we go!